avoidance, putting things in boxes, & letting go ~

Sometimes, when things really cut deep, I compartmentalise. I do like the oyster: coat pain and irritation w/ something soothing, wall it off. Unlike the lowly oyster, however, I make no pearl. Just stick things into closed off spaces, where I can leave them be for awhile. I am my mother’s daughter…

My mother was about as non-conflict as it gets. She could pretend w/ the best of them. Things were ‘fine’ — almost always, unless she was complaining, which wasn’t common when I was little. Or, at the worst, like Scarlett O’Hara, it would be better soon.

I’m not quite that bad.😏

I just don’t think it’s good for me, at least, to brood. For instance — I’ve drastically reduced my FaceBook interactions, as I can’t stand hearing the latest horrible action masquerading as presidential. I make no secret of my dislike for the current administration. I need no reminders of why that’s true. Especially since I’m doing the very little I can: writing, sending letters, donating to resistors. But I know it’s not enough.

So I compartmentalism, until I can let the various dark spots of my life go. My new mantra — at least when grieving (a very dear friend was recently diagnosed w/a serious illness; another is in constant pain…), or when furiously angry — is Breathe. Acknowledge. Let it go. It helps enormously, especially when I wake up in the middle of the night, and my thoughts start pacing the confines of my head, like goose-stepping infantry.

I also drink tea. Since my younger son is still with us for a few more days, I ordered his favourite,  Earl Grey. This particular brand is made with a high proportion of silver tips, and a higher grade of tea leaves. We both love it. Today, as the rain sifted down like spider silk, it was a perfect afternoon break. My worries for my friends, my concern w/the sad situations faced by so many flooded southern American, all were washed away for a few moments in a warm cup held between my two chilled hands. I even had cookies. 😉

It’s not a bad thing, I think, to compartmentalise until we can face the many dark places of the world. I have a pretty good life, which I appreciate deeply. Trying not to take it for granted,I still feel enormously guilty/angry when the world is cruel to others. So I do the whole Buddhist reflection of here is sadness. here is grief. here is untold pain & misery. acknowledge it. feel it. now…let it go…

it helps when there’s a cup of tea & a cookie. I promise.

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